I'm beginning to think the only good thing about moving things 'professionally' is that respect-demanding support vest they get to wear so they don't pop a disc or rupture their own spleen or whatever.

I'll live here for the rest of my life if it means I never have to do that again. anything without handles built into it fucking sucks.

happy September!
 

being vulnerable is so embarrassing.

I found a brilliant one bedroom. Betcha I won't get it.

Faith, she be fickle.

I've honestly never felt rage before.

there's never been a relationship or friendship or partnership or even conversation that has made me want to scream and cry and laugh and punch kick and KILL all at once.

but today, oooooooh today.

how can anyone live with themselves? how can anyone say those three words and not mean them and not want to stick around when they've made the commitment to SAY them?

and shed tears? like ACTUAL salty legit tears.

bullshit. all of it.

I'm ashamed of myself and of you and of everything.

it's been weeks. WEEKS, and I've been so okay. SO fine! dare I say happy. and the one night that I'm furious and just SEARCHING for an outlet, there's that stupid orange blinker in my taskbar.

but I never will. ever ever ever.

because I never say those three words unless I mean them. I'm not perfect or even close to it, but that much I know.

come on! it'll be (at the very least) a moderately good time.

my heart hurts so much right now that it's possible I may need to see a specialist.

Has anyone else noticed the ads about not spanking your kids? "Parenting is easy, but it shouldn't have to hurt"...? There's a series of commercials, there's poster ads on main streets. Two days ago I saw one where the child was represented by a balloon, and the parent was a pushpin. Parents who spank their kids are like pushpins to the little round badly behaved balloons. It makes sense, right? NO. IT'S BULLSHIT.

This is taken off the Toronto Health website:

"Spanking can result in fear, not respect. A child who fears a parent may learn to hide behaviour and lie rather than trust that parent to guide and teach."

What apparent purpose are parents supposed to serve, if not one of fear? My dad used to scare the shit out of me! That's why I didn't step out of line! THAT WAS DISCIPLINE. The fear of knowing that I might get spanked because it had happened before and I sure as hell didn't want it to happen again. I firmly believe that for a period of your early years, somewhere in between 6 and 12, your parents don't need to be your friends. They need to be your parents. Of course they love you, but they don't fucking LIKE you. You're a dipshit when you're 11! I guarantee it. I'm not advocating spanking a 12 year old child, that might be a little too late in life, but that doesn't mean we need to be pushing parents away from some form of physical discipline, or the very IDEA of physical discipline. I understand, don't punch your kid in the face, don't chase your kid with a bat..but fucking..billboards? spanking? If I have any experience directly related to this, it's that my Dad was never allowed to discipline my little brother in any way shape or form that was physical, and my brother (who is now 18) has absolutely no respect for my mother and severely dwindling respect for my father. He's not scared of 'words', what the fuck does he care?

"Talk it out. Listen. Let your child know why you are upset. Be careful what you say – mean words can hurt your child."

"Ignore minor misbehaviour. Ask yourself, "How important is it to respond?" Ignoring often works to stop unwanted behaviour."

It's poppycock. Ignoring? Ignoring results in a child trying even fucking HARDER to get your attention because you're a lazy parent to begin with.

"Hugs and staying calm help your child get through tantrums and tears."

Dealing with a tantrum by hugging your kid I can almost guarantee will fail. I think the basis behind tantrums in the first place is that they're getting upset over insignificant shit. What in God's name makes people think that HUGGING your child when they're acting ridiculous will be reinforcement not to do it again? I agree it's important to stay calm in any situation when parenting, but how many parents do you know walking around in a meditative state when their kids are climbing into the box-bin of your local grocery store? Thaaaaat's right! The ones who don't care enough to mind their offspring. I fear the numbers are staggering.

Has anyone spent time with kids in elementary schools? They're ridiculously badly behaved little anklebiters. If that has anything to do with the fact that parents nowadays are refusing to use any form of physical discipline, I'm even more angry for their stupidity, never mind the child's. Parenting IS hard, it DOES hurt, your kids may not NEED to be spanked, but if they don't they're the minority. Of COURSE there are exceptions to the rule, of COURSE people disagree with me, and that's why the majority ruled on those bullshit billboards and commercials. But 'our' kids are growing up to be fucking criminals and I daresay it has little to do with the parents who cared enough to discipline their kids, and more to do with the parents who were standing behind the idea that their kids would grow up as delicate flowers away from any proverbial 'garden boots'. Lax parenting doesn't fucking work. I'm 21 and childless and I know that. If your kid doesn't know the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, it is YOUR job to make it known, y'know? Of course it hurts. And it will fucking hurt your kid too if you don't take an active effort to set them straight once in a while.

I don't really want an argument, I'm not looking for a fight, I just feel like more so than ever, this ad pushed something upon me that I completely disagreed with. It's like the 'abortion lasts forever' ads on St. Catharines Transit. I have no intention of 'beating' my kids. I have every intention of disciplining them, even if I have to dangle physical discipline as a way to keep them from becoming the scourge of society. I know, I know..'scourge' is a convenient choice of words.

I hope I'm pardoned this once for seeming rather close-minded, I feel like if this is the one thing this year I get really angry about, so be it.

that was a damn fine night, wasn't it?

It's nice to know we can still get together and just enjoy eachother without worrying about whatever may have kept us from getting together in the past.

It may also interest people to know that Melanie and I are taking up a career that started out as a playful hobby. "Shouting incessantly over remixes."

I will be Cheldré 3000, she: Missy 'Meldemeanour' Elliott.

No but seriously, so much love and fun and no bad juju. That's what matters.

remember when your parents would always tell you

"yeah, right, you know everything and I know nothing. Someday you're going to come back to me and say 'you were right', just wait."

Fuck them and their rightedness about every damn thing.

I'm never telling them, even if they try to get me to. They'll never know.

And remember when your grandparents were always like

"Don't date boys, they're dirty and stupid and they'll just use up all your money. Date a nice girl who isn't opposed to alternate relationships and settle down and adopt foreign children."

Well fuck them and their rightedness too.
Grandparents don't know shit.

I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt!

I hate toes way more than most things. Namely MINE OWN. How do you be so gross?

Bless,
CHE-ELSE-BUB

indubidablbubblydubbly this is by far the worst 2-3 months of my life that I have ever - but probably not will ever - experience(d)

I cannot wait to get the fizzle out of this hizzle and get back to schizzle at g-bizzle.

In a way, working 7 days-a-week encourages me to finish school so I only have to work 3-4 days a week. But it also makes me realize how much of life passes you by when you are focused solely on making money. I've been in this routine for a month and this week was literally the FIRST time in over 30 days that I even left the house to chill with friends.

Anywhoodle, hope all are well. I can't wait for this 'summer' bullshit to be over with so I can go back to enjoying my education.


I said it.

Write it down, if you want.

I'm relocating to the meat fridge at Mark's No Frills.

The meat will be relocating to my bedroom, so y'all best come pick it up 'afore it goes a'rotten.


Fuck to Summer.

Dancing is favourable, as long as it is not around an underlying emotion.

"And here's your finger, jammed far up your ass, far from the pulse."

I, AM, JOB.

If I have a throat infection, somebody's going to pay. In Ricolas.

Tonight was magical. It was shit, then okay, then alright, then amazing.

Harry Potter himself is the only one who could've made it better.

Bless his heart.

I haven't a clue what the hell to do with myself. It's like, one great thing after another is happening and this one shitty thing is what holds me back.

give me the baby, i want a baby.